Always and Never
by TotalOtaku07
Summary: Unrequited love   the devil can’t  won’t ever fall ,  but now he’s not so sure .


**Date:** 30 Nov 2007

**Title:** Always and Never

**Summary:** Unrequited love; the devil can't/won't ever fall, but now he's not so sure.

**Disclaimer:** Eyeshield 21 belongs to two very artistic and wonderful people; I'm not one of these two. I just wanted to write a really kick-ass disclaimer sentence.. ehehe.

_**Here it is:**_

you were mine  
i was yours  
when you never knew  
and the world's as oblivious as it is

**Hiruma Youichi. Team Captain and Quarterback of Deimon Devilbats. Second year student of Deimon High. IQ of probably 180+. Blond hair, blue eyes, piercings. Not-so-typical bad boy, but a bad boy nonetheless. A secret lover to…**

**Anezaki Mamori. Team Manager of Deimon Devilbats. Also a second year student of Deimon High. IQ of around the same range as that of her greatest rival and partner, Hiruma. Auburn hair from her Western ancestry, light brown eyes, no visible or disfiguring marks. Typical goody-two-shoes and big sister image. Secretly loved by.. see paragraph above.**

**He was a demon, a bad boy. She was an angel, a good girl. What keeps them together is the passion for football. **

_I can make a really sappy story out of this_, Hiruma thought. He is not a normal person, but now, he feels what being normal is kind of like: being infatuated with someone.

"Fuck", he murmured, as he browsed his files looking for that zipped folder titled "TRASH" where he kept her pictures. He frequently finds himself unconsciously opening the said folder and agonizing over her face, her form, her figure. Like an obsession, he can't help it. And what hurts him most is that he can't do anything; he can fucking do _ABSOLUTELY_ nothing.

i had you  
you had me  
when i never asked  
when you never said you wanted it too

He can never own her. She will never be owned by anyone. He can't even make her one of his slaves. She's too fucking perfect. He can admit to himself though, that she can own him anytime she wanted; with one look, one smile, one brush of skin, one word from her perfect mouth, or even one really devilish play conjured by her ever-working mind. Only in his fantasies will she ever be his. But even there, she's too far out of his reach.

you were mine  
yesterday  
and today  
at a time no one cares, no one knows

Only in a different dimension will Hiruma say the L-word. Only in an alternate plane will Mamori say "yes" to any of his rude proposals. Only when no one is looking will he ever admit, though not verbally, that he had fallen to the perfect and angelic Mamori. This is not because of pride. It's not due to lack of courage. It's not because he's shy or will founder with his words. In retrospect, he had formulated really demonic lines that'll probably have her begging for his affections instead (or so he wished). It's because he is just another fragile soul who'll break apart with a single "no".

i had you  
for keeps  
for always  
now and until the end

So he will be subdued to wanting her and needing her from afar, to obsessive looking through her snapshots, to being near her only when they're discussing plays or while having one of their 'showdowns', to smelling her hair and creampuff breath while she's ranting about his guns, and to having her as his "fucking manager".

you were mine  
when i  
never knew you  
perhaps then i knew i will have you

He hates destiny, he believes in fighting and winning. But he believes in it. Destiny is working on two people who are so different and so alike finding each other and sharing. Destiny's hand is on a football team who rose through the ranks from the muddy hole of defeat. Destiny is when a lonely devil meets his match in a cheerful disciplinary officer. Destiny is when that devil can never be with that disciplinary officer a.k.a team manager a.k.a. big sister of all a.k.a. the prize catch of all normal high school boys.

you were mine  
still mine  
will be mine  
even when it can never be true

The contents of the paragraph above contradict themselves. He believes in fighting yet he believes he can't be with her because of destiny? Crap. Pure crap. But let us cut him some slack. He is a lovesick fool anyway, like most of us. He's just a gazillion times much better than we are on pretending he's not.

…

"Hiruma-kun, do you believe in destiny?", Mamori asked.

"Hn.. What the crap are you talking about, fucking manager?", Hiruma answered.

"What if we are not destined to get to the Christmas Bowl? Wouldn't that be a pain, ne?" She is most probably teasing him.

"We are fucking going there, whether destiny likes it or not. Kekeke", he shunted back and she was silenced at once.

"Hmm.. I totally agree", she said.

He glanced at her and gulped. _Look out, Hiruma! You can't afford that nose to get any longer!_

**x x x x x**

I'm happy I was able to use one of my old poems for this fanfiction; makes me feel totally related to Hiruma.


End file.
